RAW DOGMA written by Nkrumah Steward
|Mad Scientists Remote Control Humans Instead Of Flies
"raw dogma" by Nkrumah Steward, creator of 8BM.com
You knew it was coming.
It was only a matter of time.
Once mad scientist were reportedly flying headless flies around the laboratory by remote control you knew it was only a matter of months before they started remote controlling human beings.
Nippon Telegraph & Telephone Corp., Japan’s top telephone company, under the auspice of making video games more realistic, created a remote control for human beings.
Yes, with motion of a joystick they have developed a device which makes it impossible for you to not follow its commands.
I am not kidding.
Kiss goodbye to taking personal responsibility for your actions.
That is going to be an archaic idea pretty soon.
The way the device works is that it sends an electrical current to your brain which tricks you into thinking that you are off balance and you make the appropriate adjustments to keep your balance, thus controlling your actions.
”I felt a mysterious, irresistible urge to start walking to the right whenever the researcher turned the switch to the right. I was convinced -- mistakenly -- that this was the only way to maintain my balance.”
The technology is called galvanic vestibular stimulation -- essentially, electricity messes with the delicate nerves inside the ear that help maintain balance.
But this is more sinister than it sounds. It sounds like they trick you into thinking that you are going to fall over.
I wish it was that simple.
NTT researchers claim that they were able to make a person walk along a route in the shape of a giant pretzel using this device.
The lady who wrote the article for the Associated Press, Yuri Kageyama tried it and she said it felt as if “there was an invisible hand reaching inside your brain”.
But never fear, mad scientists have learned to play the game. They know how creepy this is so they are rushing to find some practical application for it, that is, outside of making someone really think they are running from the police for real when they are playing Grand Theft Auto.
They are saying that we can make old people wear this thing on their heads so that they won’t fall and break their hips, which is the leading cause of death of old people.
I don’t know what it is about old people and their hips but once they break that bone, it’s over.
Again, we need to make sure that the military gets a fair shot at making some kind of weapon out of this.
Maybe they could fly a drone over an enemies head and make them all dizzy and falling over on themselves before we use another robot drone to bathe them in whatever is the latest fragrance of chemical weapon of the month.
The possibilities are limitless.
But for the time being, let’s just remember, this was officially created so we can have even more fun wasting our lives away with our X-Box.