There’s a loud crack heard over the intercom system followed by a short pause muddled by the faint sound of a clearing throat.
Attention all Pro-lifers: I know its Friday and you are just getting ready to leave for the weekend but Doctor Abla el-Alfy wanted me to inform you that there is a 10-month old infant down in the pediatric intensive care unit that currently has another head and torso attached to the back of its head.
In the interest of religious sensitivity we will not refer to this head as “the parasite”, which would be what it is, but from here on out we will be simply referring to it as “the twin”.
The question has come up as to whether or not we should lop off the twin or not.
Although this “twin” can smile and blink, it is incapable of independent life.
The reason I mentioned the fact that this “twin” can blink and smile is because I know that so many of you get so hung up on things like whether or not it has fingerprints, can wiggle it’s toes or has hair on its head, I assumed this blinking and smiling thing could potentially weight heavily on your decision.
So what’s it going to be? Do we lop it off or what?
Now I have to repeat this so you can’t tell God that you didn’t know, if we lop off the second head, the “twin” will die.
And if this “twin” dies that would technically be murder, or worse, infanticide and if I can gather anything from your literature, giving us the go ahead to lop off this superfluous head will pretty much a mirror image every Nazi atrocity on record.
So that will pretty much makes you a Nazi too.
But still, I have to ask, what do we do?
I just need an official condemnation that’s all.
Apparently this “condition’ if you want to call it that, occurs when an embryo, I’m sure you’ve heard of those, begins to split into identical twins but ends up being a victim of its indecisiveness and fails to complete the process. So what we end up having is one of the conjoined twins failing to develop fully in the womb. In most cases the only evidence of this twin is just an extra limb, like an extra arm or something. We have even seen it end up just as a second body lacking any vital organs.
However, in very rare cases like this one, it comes out as just a head.
And in this particular case, a very well developed head. It’s pretty cute too. I called it an “It” because, well it is not only hard but it would inappropriate to assign a sex to a head.
And that is all it is.
A blinking, smiling head.
However since I know you believe very strongly that everything that happens inside of a woman’s body during pregnancy only happens with God’s blessing, he must’ve wanted this little girl to walk around with a smiling blinking head conjoined off of her head, right?
I mean, who are we to question God?
So can we ask what would Jesus do or have we already made our decision?
Let’s look up conjoined malformed twins in the New Testament and see if we can see if Jesus had anything to say about that.
Hmmm…I can’t seem to find anything attributed to Jesus that is directly or indirectly addressing horrific medical abnormal phenomenon.
That’s strange. I thought he covered everything.
So maybe we can just use the old ‘treat others as you would like to be treated” proverb. That one seems to fit all occasions. This one should work here too.
I guess if I had a second superfluous head attached to my own I would want someone to lop it off for me, so maybe we should just lop it off.
I mean, we have the medical know how to possibly save the life of the fully developed child. That’s got to count for something right?
Although in all fairness, a similar operation was performed in the Dominican Republic a little over a year ago and the healthy child ended up dying shortly after they loped off her “twin”.
Maybe that was God telling us something.
So what do we do? You don’t have to answer now. I’ll let you go start on your weekend. We can wait until you get back from your big picnic down at the state penitentiary. It’s not like this head is going anywhere.
May I ask, whose execution are we celebrating this week?