Ah, back to normal.
As you all know I am an avid boxing fan. It would be my favorite sport if it wasn’t so crooked. Oh yeah, and it might also be my favorite sport if fighters didn’t get to pick who they want to fight and who they don’t. Half of these fighters pad their records with stiffs and chumps until their record is impressive enough to warrant a fight with some other guy who has padded his record with a comparable amount of stiffs and chumps.
The other day a Congolese boxer, Lubandi Mamba Mulozi, a champion fighter from the Katanga province of the Democratic Republic of Congo, walked into the ring covered in white powder and carrying charms.
No, this wasn’t his gimmick.
His opponent was a fighter named Willie Nkandu from Zambia, who in a previous fight, apparently broke Mulozi’s brothers collarbone back in 1996.
The charms and the magic was intended to give him a definite edge in the fight.
Hell, it couldn’t hurt, right?
Funny I mentioned hell.
The particular type of magic Mulozi planned to use that night against Nkandu was called Muti. Every ingredient of Muti magic charms requires portions to be made from human body parts.
Ok, here is where it gets even more morbid. In order for the magic to work the body parts that go into the concoctions must’ve been removed from the victim while they were still alive and fully conscious.
So these Muti Witch doctors who collect fingers, lips, eyeballs, ears and even assholes for these potions are not harvesting the coma wards at the local hospitals. They get them from orphan children, prostitutes, old people and whomever else they can overpower and mutilate in the middle of the night and on deserted roads.
Only god knows what that white powder he was wearing was made of.
So if participating in muti magic doesn’t automatically legally make you an accessory to somebody’s murder, since most of the time the potions are custom made, fresh for the customer within days after they place an order, at the very least they should be illegal to bring into a boxing ring.
If baseball is concerned about steroids damaging the integrity of the sport shouldn't boxing be equally concerned about muti?
How can a sport that complains about a fighter having too much vaseline on his face look the other way when a guy comes into the ring covered in talcum powder?
In all likelihood there is someone walking around in the Congo right now that would still have his eyes in his head and lips on his face had Mulozi decided he would actually train to beat Nkandu in fair competition rather than Doctor Strange himself to victory.
So anyway, the fight starts as scheduled and since Nkandu evidently believes in this stuff as much as Mulozi does he falls down to the canvas every time Mulozi swings a cloth.
He described feeling overpowered before a single blow had been struck, and added: "Every time I turned, I felt something hitting me, like sand."
The fight was eventually stopped when the referee fainted in the ring and couldn’t be revived.
He had to be carried from the ring.
The crowd was pissed off because not many in the audience bought the whole magic angle and openly accused both fighters as well as the unconscious referee of fixing the fight.
Personally, I believe the referee probably just passed out due to sheer terror of being the middle of all of that voodoo.
Not everyone in Africa, but a lot Africans really believe in this shit, and I am talking even the educated ones.
When one guy comes into the ring covered in talcum powder with charms around his neck chanting shit you start to think about all of the things that guy said during what you THOUGHT was pre-fight hype like, for example, how he wanted to bring a coffin to the fight so he could take his opponents body home after the fight.
There are some situations where your memory is flawless.
One of those times is if you were actually looking into the pits of hell, I doubt you at that moment if would have any problem recollecting every little thing you had ever done wrong in your entire life.
And I am sure trying to referee a boxing match between a boxer and a wizard covered in dried scrotum powder would make you remember every word that guy said that you just chalked up as pre-fight hype.
All I am saying is that if you are already predisposed to this sort of stuff, this Poppa Shango act Lubandi Mamba Mulozi put on might have been a little too real for everyone involved.
Everyone except for people that had actual had money on the fight that is.
There is something about putting the mortgage up on a bet that allows you to be a little more objective than that.