It had to happen eventually.
When I proposed to my ex-fiancé I wasn't really worried at all if she would say yes.
I mean fuck, we talked about it a year ahead of time.
It wasn't really a surprise that I asked her to marry me. In fact, it wasn't long into our relationship where we started talking about marriage, children and all that crap.
No, asking her to marry me was sort of like a prizefight where both fighters agree that one of them is going to go down the fifth.
We agreed that I needed to start saving up for a ring because we were going to get married.
Asking for her to marry me was just one of those formalities you go have to go through.
I would never ask a woman to marry me unless marriage was something that we had discussed and I was pretty damn sure she was 'bout it.
Fuck that surprise shit. I hate surprises.
I consider surprises an act of terror.
It fucks up my equilibrium. It pushes me off kilter.
I have always wondered if you could get a girl to marry you just buy going way over the top when you pop the question.
Is it possible to make such a big deal out of just asking her to marry you that she says yes from just cowering under the pressure?
Like for example, if you could get the President, as a personal favor, to close his state of the union speech with, "and by the way, Ms. Carter of Long beach, California, I know you are listening, Robert wants to know, you will marry him?"
How could she say no to that right? I mean, regardless of how you feel about Dubya, the friggin President just ended his State of the Union speech by asking you to marry your man.
You just made history.
The whole country will be anticipating you saying yes.
That is a lot of pressure.
You've got to say "yes" right?
I would wager that if you wanted a girl to say "yes", have her turn on CNN to watch the next space shuttle launch, and as it rotates during its assent to the heavens have the words "Will you marry me?" painted on the shields across the bottom so she can read it, how could she say no to that?
Or so I thought.
Well this past weekend at an Indiana Pacers-Washington Wizards game a guy used the end of a half-time contest to bring his girlfriend down to the court blindfolded.
She went along under the assumption that she was playing a game where if she could find a local bank's mascot while blind folded that she would win free Wizards tickets.
Well when she found the mascot and they pulled the blindfold off of her, her man climbed out of the costume, grabbed a microphone, got down on one knee and as he began to speak to the women she paused and grabbed her face in shock.
She looked right at him shaking her head no and then turned away and ran in full sprint off the basketball court.
Soon after it was clear that she wasn't coming back a message reading "She said No!" appeared on the area's scoreboard.
Lou for life.
I know this sounds bad, blaming the poor guy for what happened to him, but damn dude, you don't ask a girl to marry you unless you are pretty damn sure she is going to say yes.
Take this as a new rule, don't even think about asking her to marry you until she draws you into one of those, "where do you see this relationship going?" conversations.
That is a pretty sure sign that she is thinking about upgrading you.
Something in my gut tells that that this girl wasn't expecting this in the least. From the look on her face being proposed to by this guy was the furthest thing in her mind.
Well, so much for my "pressure" theory.
I knew this was eventually going to happen to somebody at some point in time. I am just glad it wasn't me.