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for old stories.

Some assembly required

Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle
Fact: Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.

What I Took From This: Some men need little tiny red sports cars, and busty blond 19-year-old girls to show that they still measure up...while others need to take over Europe.

Fact: Howard Hughes once made half a billion dollars in one day. In 1966, he received a bank draft for $546,549,171.00 in return for his 75% holdings in TWA.

What I Took From This: If you vote Republican because you are genuinely concerned about how much people like this pay in taxes each year, and you think this kind of wealth is going to trickle down to you, you are either a complete idiot, or a phenomenal kiss ass with confidence in your brown nosing skills that defy the boundary of words to describe.

Fact: Between 1902 and 1907 the same tiger killed 436 people in India.

What I Took From This: God's wrath against the people of India does not just manifest in the form of mudslides, rampaging elephants, typhoons, derailed locomotives, chemical spills, serial killers, flash floods, earthquakes, meteorites, volcanoes, rabid monkeys, and charging cows. No, sometimes it manifests as an inability to get a clear shot at a man-eating Tiger that was single-handedly killing 87 people a year.

Fact: In the 1700's, you could purchase insurance against going to hell, in London, England.

What I Took From This: It makes perfect sense to me that a mere mortal insurance company could offer reliable protection for an immortal, immaterial entity against wrongful banishment to a metaphysical dimension of eternal punishment at affordable rates.


Fact: 2,500 newborn babies will be dropped in the next month.

What I Took From This: These are the people that will see no difference in between Coke and Pepsi, compact disks and records, cable television and satellite television, DSL and Dial-up modems, Bruce Lee and Jean Claude Van Damme, Transformers and Gobots.

Fact: The Roman emperor Commodos collected all the dwarfs, cripples, and freaks he could find in the city of Rome and had them brought to the Coliseum, where they were ordered to fight each other to the death with meat cleavers.

What I Took From This:
Architecture, urban planning, the sophistication of religious rites, system of government, painting, literature and whatnot are not accurate barometers of the civility of a civilization. I don't give a damn how well-developed your understanding of mathematics might have been, if you find retards and cripples going at it with meat cleavers high entertainment that is not civilized. Hell, you can teach a horse to count.
source:
same difference

Napoleon's hemorrhoids contributed to his defeat at Waterloo.

Half of Americans don't know that white bread is made from wheat.