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Some assembly required

Pope Paul II (1467-71) died while being sodomized by a page boy
"some assembly required" by Nkrumah Steward, creator of

Pope Paul IIFact: Pope Paul II (1467-71) died while being sodomized by a page boy.

What I Took From This: Joining the priesthood to serve God is like trying to find hidden messages in a Beatle song. I am sure you can do it, but that wasn't what it was intended for.

Fact: When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

What I Took From This: The logic behind the theory of evolution has been mortally wounded in my eyes. There is no way in hell that "passing out from sheer terror" was one of the "small, yet beneficial inherited variations" that increased Homo erectus opossum's ability to compete, survive and reproduce over Neanderthal opossum.
Simply put, passing out when a predator has got you cornered will only get you killed not push along the species. I have seen "When Animals Attack". I have seen a Forest Ranger play dead only to have the pursuing bear walk right up behind him, drop an atomic elbow down across his back, roll him over for the 1, 2, 3, and then leave his broken corpse right where he left it to get eaten by raccoons. The fact that we even have opossums around today says to me that there must be a God, a grand design, a purpose behind everything and in fact, God is a opossum.

Fact: The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

What I Took From This: Professional wrestling fans are considered among the dumbest fans in the world and Star Trek fans are considered among the smartest. Yet it is fairly obvious to me that they both don't have the faintest idea that their shit is fake.

Fact: The population of the entire world in 5000 B.C., according to the National Population Council, was 5 million.

What I Took From This: Damn. I had no idea that the National Population Council had been around so long.

Fact: The last member of the famous Bonaparte family, Jerome Napoleon Bonaparte, died in 1945, of injuries sustained from tripping over his dog's leash.

What I Took From This: It's official. Having Lou can be fatal.

same difference

Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.
Some men need little tiny red sports cars, and busty blond 19-year-old girls to show that they still measure up...while others need to take over Europe.

Half of Americans don't know that white bread is made from wheat.
Gallup must mean "Jihad" in English because nothing undermines an American's resolve than hard evidence that he is surrounded by idiots.