a Chinese bystander ashore was killed accidentally by a canon salvo
of greeting from an English ship during the early days of the China-Western
trade, the English were forced to turn over to China the hapless
gunner, who was promptly strangled right there on the spot.
What I took from this: No wonder
England made it a point to turn as many of the Chinese as they could
into Opium addicts. As soon as word got back to the King of England
that Kato strangled this motherfucker right there on the beach in
full view of everyone, they knew then that if relations with these
people were to continue something had to be done to try to mellow
these little son-of-a-bitches out a bit.
the Great had his wife's lover executed and his head put into a
jar of alcohol. He forced her to keep it in her bedroom.
What I took from this: A man's cock
doesn't just have a brain of it's own it also has perfected the
ability to divert just enough blood from the brain so that when
it presents it's arguments as to why you should fuck a woman whose
husband can twist a silver platter into a scroll with his bare
hands they sound faultless.
Peter the Great stood about 6 foot 8 and was well over 200 pounds.
The average height at the time was around 5'6. Through the habitual
use of ax and hammer, he had developed his strength to such an extent
that he was able to twist a silver platter into a scroll. So if
you are still willing to give the Queen regular meat injections
behind the back of a man who was undoubtedly considered to be the
Herman Munster of his time, when this guy's cock got hard this must
be comparable to an episode of demonic possession.
medieval times, Church bells were often consecrated to ward off
evil spirits. Because thunderstorms were attributed to the work
of demons, the bells would be rung in an attempt to stop storms.
Lightning killed lots of God fearing bell ringers back in those
days. In fact, lightning killed too many to count.
What I took from this: During medieval
times not only did the church make unfortunate choices, but time
and time again their insistence on playing for just one franchise
for the duration of their careers robbed them of the ability to
realize that if demons were that sweet, and since God had failed
to provide them with a weapon a little more intimidating than ringing
a God damn bell, no one would've blamed them if they would've applied
for free agency to see what their blind faith was worth on the free
In 1555, Ivan the Terrible ordered the construction of St. Basil's
Church in Moscow. He was so pleased with this piece of work by the
two architects responsible for designing the church, Postnik and
Barma, that he had them blinded with a spoon so they would never
be able to design anything more beautiful.
What I took from this: Despite defying
all logic it seems that the more ruthless you are as a ruler the
longer you hold on to power. And the reason is because of the human
need to control what we fear. We are afraid of going hungry so we
create a God of food. The theory is that if we can somehow appease
this God through prayer, deeds, rituals or what have you we will
gain its favor and he will reward us by seeing to it that we never
go hungry. However, when the same logic is applied to a psychopath
despot that has been inbred into megalomania the results are always
disastrous. Instead of just putting a bullet in his head or a cobra
under his pillow people think they can appease the angry tyrant,
win his favor by showing your loyalty and serving his every wish
to the detail and thus controlling him. You see how far it got poor
Postnik and Barma.
Ch'in Dynasty (221-207 B.C.) buried alive many of its scholars in
mass graves in its attempt to suppress all learning.
What I took from this: Studies show
that the more education that you have the less likely you are to
vote for the candidate on the Republican ticket. It was a well-known
fact that Adolph Hitler hated intellectuals almost as much as he
hated Jews. You would think that if your message was less persuasive
the more educated the person was that listened to it one might want
to reexamine your plans. However, when you are already in power
it is much easier to just say "education" is the problem
and introduce those infected with literacy and reasoning skills
to mass graves, acid baths or bombard them with public service commercials
from the office of National drug control policy to simply drive