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for old stories.

Some assembly required

Napoleon's hemorrhoids contributed to his defeat at Waterloo.

Fact: Napoleon's hemorrhoids contributed to his defeat at Waterloo. Apparently his piles prevented him from surveying the battlefield on horseback.

What I took from this
: I use to wonder why government documents that concern national security are by law not made available to the general public for like 100 years.

I don't wonder now.

They want to make sure that they are long dead before it becomes common knowledge to the whole world that they lost a war due to their poor diet and horrible toilet habits.

Fact: Evelyn Marie Adams won the New Jersey lottery twice in a four month period during 1985-86. The odds of someone winning a lottery twice in four months, is about one in 17 trillion.

In general, people would tend to call anything that has a 1 in 17 trillion chance of happening, if it does in fact happen, a "miracle" or an "act of God". If something qualifies as an "act of God" because it happens despite astronomical odds would the Pope being clipped by a falling meteorite during the middle of an exorcism be considered a miracle? I mean, the odds of that happening are one in 10 trillion? Or are those 7 trillion give or take a few really that significant?

What I took from this
: "Reality" is inescapably perspectival and despite what Nietzsche says, it is fatal to it.


Fact
:
Catherine II of Russia kept her wigmaker in an iron cage in her bedroom for more than three years.

What I took from this: Still don't believe in reincarnation? I don't need a deck of Taro cards and a fake Jamaican accent to tell Leona Helmsley who she was in a past life.


Fact
:
In the spring of 2000, it was reported that a 25-year-old Tehran transsexual, who had just undergone extensive surgery to become a woman, said he wanted to change back to a man after realizing just how poorly women are treated in Iran.

What I took from this: Some people walk a mile in another men's shoes. Generally speaking those are the ones with the most regrets in life.


Fact: South Africa ordered 100,000 nonwhite people to leave their homes within one year to make room for whites on August 25, 1956.

What I took from this: I always wondered why Nelson Mandela isn't considered a terrorist but Yasser Arafat is. Now I know. Nelson Mandela won.

 
same difference
Peter the Great had his wife's lover executed and his head put into a jar of alcohol. He forced her to keep it in her bedroom.
A man's cock doesn't just have a brain of it's own it also has perfected the ability to divert just enough blood from the brain so that when it presents it's arguments they sound faultless.