RAW DOGMA                                                                       written by Nkrumah Steward

Kung Fu Required To Be Flight Attendant in China

If you want to work as a flight attendant in China from here on out you are going to be required to be trained in Kung fu.
Sounds like a great idea to me.
Sichuan Airlines is looking to recruit 70 hostesses to work for a new flight route from Chengdu to Seoul in South Korea and the word on the street is that the job is yours if you know how to kick ass.
In this day and age of terrorism, why isn’t proficiency in a martial art not a requirement for flight attendants?
Maybe if all the flight attendants on commercial flights knew Kung Fu or some other kind of martial arts people wouldn’t be so damn cautious about me taking a Pepsi on board.
Who needs federal air marshals if all a flight attendant has to do is hit a terrorist in one of 1,000 pressure points and he passes out or loses the use of a whole side of his body just like that?
I am tired of Asia coming up with all the good ideas before we do.
Ford Motor Company and General Motors are complaining everyday in the news that the rising gas prices caught them by surprise. That is their excuse as to why they are so behind on developing fuel efficient cars.
At the same time General Motors Corp is announcing that with gas prices flirting with over 3 bucks a gallon their new big idea is to re-release the gas guzzling Camaro.
In a Camaro you can actually watch the fuel gage go down every time your car accelerates. I don’t know about you but that is a feature I am looking for in a vehicle when gas prices are over 3 bucks a gallon.
Toyota, on the other hand, came out with the Yaris. It’s ugly as a Eunuch but you can drive it all week and it still had half a tank left.
And just like the dumb ass at GM that thought that bringing back the Camaro would revitalize their company, the American government thought that using armed Federal Marshals to dissuade terrorists was the coolest idea since using forged documents and outdated intelligence to justify going to war with Iraq.
I don’t think I need to tell you how bad it would be to shooting bullets on an airplane at 30,000 feet, right?
Throwing stars are one thing. Bullets are another thing altogether.
If you ask me, the last thing a terrorist wants to face is the idea that there NOT going to be killed on a flight during a terrorist attempt.
They prepare themselves for death.
They make videos telling everyone what they want their funerals to be like and what they want done with their bodies. Which is silly if you think about it?
What bodies? What is left of a suicide bomber can fit into a measuring cup.
What I am saying is getting shot and killed by a US Marshall trying to take down a commercial airliner comes with the job.
What they aren’t ready for is standing up in their seats to brandish their box cutter only to get the Allah kicked out of them by a 5’2 108 pound flight attendant with 2 kids and bad feet.

New flight attendants should know kung fu, China Daily, August 21, 2006
same difference

Chinese General threatens to Nuke US out of his own personal stash
I figure when Yao Ming gets a call from China telling him to get his ass on the next flight to Beijing, then we need to take this seriously. until then we need to just distract them from Taiwan by reminding them about how the Japanese keep forgetting to mention the rape of Nanking in their textbooks.

real life kung-fu movie plot minus the kung-fu
Just when you think a kung-fu movie plot couldn't really play out in the real world you realize "art really does imitate life".