RAW DOGMA                                                                       written by Nkrumah Steward

the greatest story ever told not about jesus

There simply isn’t anything sexier than this.
I don’t care how you want to twist this one up, there is nothing sexier than this.
Not only do you have hot lesbian sex with two professional cheerleaders, but then it ends in a drunken catfight.
And what is sexier than a catfight?
Two lesbian cheerleaders getting it on, that’s what.
You’ve got catfights, you’ve got sex, you’ve got brunettes, you’ve got blondes, all you need now is someone in this story to turn water to wine and I think we will have the new greatest story ever told.
Two cheerleaders having sex with each other in a bathroom stall, then the prettier of the two getting into a catfight with a belligerent women lined up outside the bathroom who needed to piss is the perfect plot.
Like I said, what could be sexier than that?
Witnesses say, and I regret to say that I was not one of them, heard Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas, two Carolina Panther cheerleaders having sex inside a bathroom stall at Banana Joe's around 2:20 am Sunday.
The only downer in this story is that they were getting it on in a bathroom stall.
That part is disgusting actually.
But fast forwarding through that detail takes us back to the two sexy cheerleaders and the apparent confirmation that most men have always wanted to have, that attractive women left to themselves, get it on.
Some women are so attractive they can’t even resist putting their hands on each other.
I was immediately taken back to my college days when a few girls I knew in High School elected to go to all girl colleges instead of co-ed universities.
Without exception, each one of them ended up coming out of that experience a switch hitter.
Little did I know, most likely they went in that way as well.
At the time I was pretty naïve about all of that. I figured there must be some reason why a heterosexual girl would elect to go to an all-girl university for four years.
Well now I know that there isn’t.
Just like heterosexual boys don’t go to all boy schools by choice.
They get sent there by the juvenile court system.
If I had come to that realization after I first graduated high school instead of like four years ago when I was pushing 30 I might’ve made more of an effort to stay in touch with those girls.
To make matters worse for these two, when they were eventually arrested by police for punching one of the women who was waiting in line and giving her a shiner, one of the girls Renee Thomas actually gave the police the name of another blond Kristen Owen, who is also a TopCat Cheerleader instead of giving her name.
Police didn’t even realize that she had given them the wrong name and shown them the wrong ID until she had already posed bail and split. So Kristen Owen is actually officially listed as the woman that gave the fat chick waiting to pee at Banana Joe's that night a shiner.
She is thinking about suing Thomas for getting her name mixed up in all of this mess.
Obviously questions are going to arise as to how Thomas actually got a hold of Owen’s ID and whether or not she noticed it was missing.
Keathley (Brunette) was charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing or opposing an officer, while Thomas (Blonde) was charged with one count of battery.
If I were management for the Carolina Panthers I wouldn’t even fire these two. I would let them come back to work just so I could see what goes down when they come back to rehearsals on Monday and face the girl whose name they also tossed under the bus over the weekend.
I don’t blame her for being pissed off. I would be kinda pissed if two guys from my job get caught blowing each other in a rest stop bathroom some place and one of the assholes hands the police my drivers license and says that he is me and its my name that gets blasted across every major newspaper, magazine, radio program and local news show in the country.
If I were management for the Carolina Panthers I would have whip cream, an inflatable kiddy pool and about a dozen video cameras on hand just in case they too decide to do what comes natural.

Source: Carolina Panthers cheerleaders arrested after fight in Tampa bar, Associated Press, 11/7/2005
same difference

catfights on the rise in boston for no apparent reason
In the Boston area, girl-on-girl fights have grown so intense that girls are even getting into the habit of caking their faces with Vaseline so that girl’s nails will slip off their faces and tying their tresses back so that girls can’t get a handful of hair on the way to school.

women who drink beer more likely to get pregnant
Shit, you needed a government grant to tell you that? Then again these are nerds we are talking about here. What were they supposed to do take our word for it?