|The Sweet Science of Titties
"raw dogma" by Nkrumah Steward, creator of 8BM.com
There is no better time to be alive.
”…breast implants and the estrogens in birth-control pills, have led to an increase in the past 15 years of more than one bra size for the average American woman—from a 34B to a 36C.”
Apparently this has been a “rarely noted” side effect of the “obesity epidemic in America”.
Rarely noted by who?
Apparently a pair of D-cup breasts weighs between 15 and 23 pounds—the equivalent of carrying around two small turkeys. Evidently, when women are jogging, heavier breasts can slap against a woman’s chest with enough force to break her clavicle.
They say you learn something new everyday and I learned that evolutionary biologists aren't sure why human breasts evolved as they did noting that chimpanzees and other mammals develop them only when lactating—and that no one knows what keeps them from sagging.
Well if science can’t tell us why then we have no choice but to fall to our default explanation, God.
God created titties.
God is a tittie lover.
|Atlantians knew that there was nothing sexy about Chimpanzee titties or Chimpanzee teeth. But teeth are functional, titties are cosmetic. There was a tremendous upside there and they took advantage of it.
|How do I know this? Because I love titties and everyone knows that God loves whatever we do.
And we love titties.
Even if Edgar Casey was right and Atlantians were the ones that created human beings by and bio-engineered human beings in their various genus from the most advanced monkeys, Atlantians knew that there was nothing sexy about Chimpanzee titties or Chimpanzee teeth.
But teeth are functional, titties are cosmetic. There was a tremendous upside there and they took advantage of it.
And I am thankful for it.
The problem is now that women are developing these killer titties more investment has to be made towards making better bras before girls start knocking themselves unconscious in gym class.
One day they are flat. The next week they have these small turkeys hanging off their chests, then they try to run a lap or two in physical education class and they end up breaking their nose and knocking their front teeth out.
"Making a bra is like building a bridge," says Manette Scheininger, a senior vice president of design, merchandising, and research and development at Maidenform. "You have weight that has to be uplifted. You have to have support all around." Larger breasts compound the challenge, Scheininger says. "And not just by a little bit. The challenge grows dramatically."