RAW DOGMA                                                                       written by Nkrumah Steward
God tells man to kill leopard’s with his bare hands

I don’t know how long its been since someone actually called God and he picked up the phone and answered, but it’s still good to know that he listens to his messages.
A 73-year-old Kenyan grandfather was attacked by a leopard while he was attending to his potato and bean crops when he heard a voice…
"A voice, which must have come from God, whispered to me to drop the panga (machete) and thrust my hand in its wide open mouth. I obeyed," 73-year-old peasant farmer Daniel M'Mburugu told Reuters.
"It let out a blood-curdling snarl that made the birds stop chirping," he told the daily Standard newspaper.
What he did was impossible. He reached into the mouth of an attacking leopard and pulled it's tongue out of it’s head.
When he was done another neighbor came up with his machete and put the leopard out of its misery.
And believe me, it was in misery.
For his killing the leopard M'Mburugu was actually given free medical treatment at the local hospital for his wounds and was toasted as a hero in his village Kihato.
Personally, if God asked me to put down my machete and take this leopard out with my bare hands I probably would’ve ignored him.
It wouldn’t be the first time I have ignored him and if he doesn’t have any better ideas than killing wild leopard with my bare hands it won’t be the last time I ignore him.
Mr. M'Mburugu better be careful. Once word gets out that he killed a leopard with his bare hands I am sure the witch doctors are going to start thinking how powerful their Muti would be in they made their potions with the body parts of such a extraordinary person.
Just like how in America people who win the lotto often say that it is the worst thing that could’ve happened to them because everybody and their mother starts coming around begging, well the same goes for Africa.
With so many Africans hoping to change their lives for the better with magical Muti elixirs, once you do something incredible like this, they start thinking that they too could gain some of your luck by having a magic potion made out of your scrotum or your eye balls. And remember, with muti potions, the human body parts have to be removed while the victim is still alive.
The only thing I can see going in Mr. M'Mburugu’s favor is that I wouldn’t want to be the one trying to hold a man down that ripped the tongue out of an attacking leopard.
Then again, now that I think about it, he is pretty safe.

same difference

Zoo keepers Reject Proposal That They Jerk off Gorilla
Left with no other option management now says they will use an electrical device for a process called electro-ejaculation since the zoo keepers were too pussy to climb into his cage and jerk off the gorilla.

Kiddie-Ride Camel Freaks Out, Stomps Handler
The camel actually got down on the ground and repeatedly rolled over him just to make sure that he finished the job.

Source: Grandfather kills leopard with his hands, Reuters, Wed June 22, 2005

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