my epiphanies
professional wrestling and the bible more a like than you might think
"raw dogma" by Nkrumah Steward, creator of 8BM.com
The Judeo-Christian God is supposed to be omnipotent; omnipresent.
That's generally the idea with monotheistic faiths.
Consolidate consolidate consolidate.
Why have pantheons of Gods when you can just have one?
What I have always found pretty interesting is that although the Judeo-Christian God created the universe and everything in it, for whatever reason, he couldn't part the red sea or put it back the way he found it without Moses waving his walking stick over the water.
What's up with that?
Read your bible. God asked Moses to stretch his staff over the Red sea to part it and then to wave it over the red sea again to have it come crashing down on the Egyptians that were pursuing them.
Does that seem strange to you or am I the only one?
Who was around to wave their sticks back and forth when God was creating the moon and stars or was he pulling double duty?
Why would God need anyone to do anything to perform a miracle?
The answer is that, obviously God, being the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, originator and ruler of the universe didn't need Moses to stretch his stick out over the red sea to part it.
Nor did he need Moses to stick his staff into the Nile River to turn it to blood nor to turn the dirt on the river banks into gnats.
So what was the point in asking him to do it?
This has been bothering me since I was like seven years old.
Only now I think I have found the answer.
If you ask me, what happened to Moses can be summed up perfectly in professional wrestling terms.
What God was doing with Moses was helping the Israelites make a connection between Moses' stick and the miracles.
In professional wrestling this is called a push.
In professional wrestling a push is when a wrestler is promoted through interviews and or winning matches in order to get that wrestler "over" or to make him sweet.
You have to remember, before God decided to give Moses a push Moses was what wrestlers would've called a heel.
Moses having been closely associated with Pharaoh and a member of the royal family was for all tense and purposes a bad guy.
So in order for God to get him "over" with the Jews God created an "angle" for Moses. An angle in professional wrestling is an event or series of events that is usually a confrontation between two or more wrestlers that intensifies a feud.
In this case, the angle he had planned was designed to turn Moses and Pharaoh, two men who were raised like brothers and grew up the best of friends against each other till they are at each other's throats.
If all turned out well, Moses would be transformed from a "heel" to a "face", and basically become the star he hadn't had since Abraham.
You see, the whole stick waving thing was all apart of that. Essentially by making it look as if Moses was actually parting the waters and bringing them back down upon the Egyptian soldiers he was making Moses look sweeter than he really was.
The idea was to give Moses a push as a face and then once he is over with the Israelites, have Moses "do business on the way out" and "put God over".
Doing Business on the Way Out: is when one wrestler who is on his way out of a promotion jobs to other talent that is staying in the promotion. In other words, handing the mantle over to someone else.
Obviously God need some help getting over with the Jews because no sooner than Moses left to the mountain top to get the 10 Commandments had the Israelites already went "Hindu" on em' and built a golden calf.
So basically all God was asking of Moses was to take the fame that he gained from the Exodus/Pharaoh angle and then give God all of the credit.
Unfortunately Moses had other ideas.
He started taking too much credit. He really believed he was actually doing something with that stick. That stick never did shit before God told him to start sticking it in the Nile, stretching it over the Red Sea, turning sand into gnats or making water coming out of rocks.
But can you really blame him? As far as he knew God wasn't shit without Moses' magic stick.
Once Moses started making water come out of a rock with his stick it became clear to God that Moses thought he was bigger than the promotion.
That's when Moses quit selling the moves.
Selling the moves is to act like you were really on the receiving end of a wrestling maneuver. In this case, Moses quit selling the fact that God had a little something to do with the fact that they weren't still in Egypt.
In the end God realized that he had put himself in a bad position because he couldn't just totally diss Moses. Without Moses who was going to put him over? As far as the promotion was concerned Moses was his only legitimate star. There was no number two. Moses was it.
Eventually other stars would rise, Joshua, Sampson, Solomon and David to name just a few, but at the time Moses was pretty much all he had.
So he ended up just making Moses the highest paid jobber on the circuit, eventually allowing Joshua to take over and then refusing to let Moses lead his people to Canaan, instead having Moses die on Mount Nebo peacefully in his sleep of an enlarged heart.
The hormone drug HGH is known to be capable of increasing the size of organs like the heart. It has never been confirmed that Moses had in fact taken the drug.
But if you pair up the fact that it isn't at all unusual in this kind of business for otherwise healthy people to just die unexpectedly with the fact that the Bible says that Moses was still strong and had good eyesight when he died I say it isn't difficult to put it together.
same difference

Oh My God It's A Naked Lego Jesus
Combine that with his love of Lego, and Brendan suddenly has elaborate reenactments of naughty biblical sex scenes (among other things) in a format even the most simple Super Christian can understand.

Commercial Satellite joins search for Noah's Ark
What's next on the list the rainbow bridge to Asguard?


Source: Bible, http://www.onlineonslaught.com/reference/glossary.shtml

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"Raw" written by Nkrumah Shabazz Steward, creator, 8bm.com

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