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RAW DOGMA                                                                       written by Nkrumah Steward
Suicide Bombers: Bin Laden's 72 Virgin Package
Hamas teaches, young men from boyhood that in return for their martyrdom their families will be compensated financially, their pictures will be posted in schools and mosques, and they will earn a special place in paradise, which includes unlimited sex with 72 virgins.
Translation: if you a poor, an ego maniac or a complete loser you are the guy we are looking for.
Apparently, Osama Bin Laden's suicide bombers are working under the belief that they too will be awarded 72 virgins for their efforts.
What the fuck is so damn sweet about fucking a virgin anyway?
And even if a virgin was the best sex you could ever have what am I supposed to do with 72 of them?
But before we get into that one, how about we talk about this whole idea of using virgins as compensation for giving my life for the glory of Allah.
Look at the hidden costs.
I can't afford to feed and clothe 72 women.
Especially feed.
When a woman gets comfortable with a man she has no reservations about shoveling it down when she is hungry. If you think marriage makes a woman comfortable what do you think being dead will do to a woman?
Where are you going to go?
Personally, my idea of heaven isn't having to work two or three jobs to feed and clothe 72 giggling horny teenage virgins.
Got something else Binny?
See, when it comes to the whole virgin thing - I am not feeling that one. That is actually a turn off kinda. In today's day and age being into virgins is like kissing cousin to being an outright pedophile. I mean seriously, nowadays kids are fucking so early girls haven't out grown their Blue's Clues pajamas before they are giving blow jobs.
So if I were to be recruited by al-Qaeda I would be curious as to what other packages Bin laden offers. Is it just the 72 virgins or is there a 36, 18, 9 or maybe even 3 virgin package?
And if there are other packages available what do I have to do toqualify for the "300 million electronically transferred into my Swiss back account" package?
Maybe I could put on a Tusken Raiders costume, hang out in the Afghan mountains and ambush Americans radioing coordinates for the bombers overhead to hit? How much is that worth?
I would hope that hiding in the moutains wearing aTusken raider costume would be worth at least 2 virgins.
It's hard to breathe under that mask.
Surely me blowing myself up in the produce section of a flea market pales in comparison to a burning bush, parting the Red Sea or turning the Nile River to blood. I mean those are classics. Back then, God presented very concise arguments "cuz I said so bitch" with very poignant visual aids like that time when he turned Lott's wife to salt. I bet Lott talked about that one for the rest of his life. I bet not one night went by when he was drinking with his boys that he didn't get drunk enough to tell the story of how he did everything God ever asked of him, only to have the mother of his children get turned into salt because she remembered that she forgot Lott's father's watch on the Kangaroo.
"Of all the fuckin' things she coulda forgot, she forgets my father's watch. I specifically reminded her not to forget it. "Bedside table -- on the kangaroo." I said the words: "Don't forget my father's watch."
Why doesn't he turn Bush to salt? Allah has shown that he is willing to show his ass when he feels the cause is important enough to lend his endorsement. He did all of those things without my help or anyone's help for that matter. So why all of a sudden does he needs me to shove a dozen M80s up my ass and walk in front of a bus get his message to Pharaoh?
same difference

If we go to War 800 missiles scheduled to hit Iraq in first 48 hours
...taking the war against terror to Saddam's front porch is like being punched by a bully after school and you retaliate by kicking his little sister.

Bin Laden's Open Letter To America
According to him The world's made up of only two kinds of people; Muslims and infidels. Ironically that mentality is fundamentally no different than the European cultural tradition that he so vehemently criticizes.

Source: GuardianUnlimited, Pulp FIction
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