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RAW DOGMA                                                                       written by Nkrumah Steward
Who has been beating the shit out of Stephen Hawking?

This might just turn out to be one of the great mysteries of the 21st century. Professor Stephen Hawking, 58, the wheelchair-bound scientists that has been considered one of, if not, the smartest human being alive has been to the hospital to treat a series of injuries that he refuses to explain. Hawking is paralyzed by motor neuron disease. He uses a computerized voice box to communicate. If he didnít have that box he would be like Mime in slow motion. I am serious. If wasnít for that box you would think he was dead.

He just sits there motionless. If it werenít for the fresh drool on his shirt you would have no clue he was even breathing. He has needed treatment at the hospital on separate occasions for everything from a broken arm and wrist, a gashed face, black eyes and a torn lip. Well, basically what I am saying is that he isnít capable of doing this to himself and Hawkins refuses to explain to the police who has done these things to him.

As always 8bm has its theories. Maybe since Stephen had so much success with that voice box he got ambitious and tried to try to build himself some bionic limbs like the Six Million Dollar man so he could walk. Maybe Stephen's injuries have been because he is falling all over the house getting use to the bionics that he surgically implanted in his arms and legs in between his lectures on Quantum Warp Drive Engines.

How low do you have to be to beat up Stephen Hawking?  Actually I donít think he and Carl Segan liked each other all that much. Maybe he had Carlís body cloned before they cremated Carl and he like Frankensteined his ass and now Seganstein his running around in Stephens apartment basically beating the shit out of him whenever Seganstein breaks out of his leg and arm restraints is able to make his way out of the basement. Stephen canít notify the police of the identity his true assailant because although their probably arenít any laws in the books yet on this kind of shit if word ever got out that he cloned Segan it would take cripple-normal relations back 20 years...

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source: Associated Press
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