Pope Paul II (1467-71)
died while being sodomized by a page boy.
Joining
the priesthood to serve God is like trying to find hidden messages
in a Beatle Song. I am sure you can do it, but that wasn't what
it was intended for. |
|
Napoleon's hemorrhoids
contributed to his defeat at Waterloo.
I use to wonder why government documents
that concern national security are by law not made available
to the general public for like 100 years.
I don't wonder now. They want to make sure that they are long
dead before it becomes common knowledge to the whole world
that they lost a war due to their poor diet and horrible toilet
habits. |
Half of Americans
don't know that white bread is made from wheat.
Gallup must mean "Jihad" in English because nothing
undermines an American's resolve than hard evidence that he
is surrounded by idiots. |
According to the
U.S. government, people have tried more than 28,000 different
ways to lose weight.
Well at
least we know what they haven't tried. |
Fact:
6 out of 10 Americans believe Joan of Arc is Noah's Wife.
She isn't? |
Hitler and Napoleon
both had only one testicle.
Some
men need little tiny red sports cars, and busty blond 19-year-old
girls to show that they still measure up...while others need
to take over Europe.
|
Between 1902 and
1907 the same tiger killed 436 people in India.
God's
wrath against the people of India does not just manifest in
the form of mudslides, rampaging elephants, typhoons, derailed
locomotives, chemical spills, serial killers, flash floods,
earthquakes, meteorites, volcanoes, rabid monkeys, and charging
cows. No, sometimes it manifests as an inability to get a clear
shot at a man-eating Tiger that was single-handedly killing
87 people a year. |
Every year, 11,000
Americans injure themselves while trying out Bizarre Sexual
Positions
Before
I will offer a comment, I would like to have you define the
word "bizarre" in
this context please. Uh, and I will need pictures. |
Catherine
II of Russia kept her wigmaker in an iron cage in her bedroom
for more than three years.
Still don't believe in reincarnation?
I don't need a deck of Taro cards and a fake Jamaican accent
to tell Leona Helmsley who she was in a past life. |
13 people a year
are killed by vending machines falling on them.
We
either need to reduce the price of carbonated beverages or reduce
the amount of caffeine we pump into the product because honestly,
nothing in that machine is or should be that fucking important. |
In 1920 the Russian
transplant pioneer Serge Voronoff made headlines by grafting
monkey testicles onto human males.
I
think I just discovered the Godfather of Nazi science. I thought
only a Nazi would graft monkey nuts on someone. That's pretty
disturbing to say the least. Not so much that people were walking
around barefoot in a lab with a pair of Gorilla nuts hanging
down to their knees but that the "mad scientist" cliché we all know so well from schlock sci-fi was actually art imitating
life. Jeeesh. |
30% of Americans refuse
to sit on a public toilet seat.
70% of Americans find peculiar rashes
and spots of discoloration on their asses and genitals from
time to time. |
Peter the Great had
his wife's lover executed and his head put into a jar of alcohol.
He forced her to keep it in her bedroom.
A man's cock doesn't just have a brain
of it's own it also has perfected the ability to divert just
enough blood from the brain so that when it presents its arguments
they sound faultless. |
professional wrestling and the bible more a like than you might think
After refusing to let Moses lead his people to Canaan Moses died on Mount Nebo peacefully in his sleep of an enlarged heart. |
The Electrifying Mojo
Mojo isn't his real name? Why would his mother name him Charles Johnson? He's from space. |
Another Epiphany from Eightheadz
I’m sorry (the sound of flipping through pages of the bible) where does it say in the bible again that polygamy is wrong? |
How to create a myth: Why we don’t eat pork
Typically speaking people think of myths as being created by ancient people who took what they did know and tried to apply it to something that they didn’t have a clue about. Well here is a myth that I have created in that vein about why you shouldn’t eat pork. |
If Life Is A School What Are We Learning?
Any scholar of ancient world history will tell you that the ancient world was about as cordial and civilized as two drunk men fighting over a virgin in a trailer park. |
